SIGNS, SYNCHRONICITIES, or SOMETHING more...

Three days after Carson had taken his own life, our friend Spenny had come out to visit us.  We hadn’t seen him in a few years, but he was like family, one of those friends that you don’t talk to all the time, and it's like no time has passed when you see each other.  Carson and Spenny had been the closest of friends.  They trained Jiujitsu together at Ralph Gracie, all the time- if not everyday, every other day.  They were always there for each other.

Spenny came inside and we sat in the kitchen with my sister and her boyfriend and spoke to him for a few hours.  Sharing about as much as we knew about Carson, since there was an investigation and we still didn’t know all the details, just that our most precious gift from God was back in His hands.  We talked about good memories, hard moments, and how life has been for all of us.  Since he had never been up to our place in the desert, we said we’d show him around our property.  By now, it was about 2-3 o’clock in the afternoon, in the middle of a hot summer day.  Jason, Spenny, and I walked outside and as we passed by a few of our large trees in the front yard, all of us were startled and caught off guard by one of the trees shaking like there was an earthquake.  So the 3 of us look up, and a beautiful, white Barn Owl with about a 4’ wing span, flies out of the tree.  We watch, as it circles around and flies off into the distance.  All of us looked at each other like, "What just happened?”  It was magnificent and beautiful.  Was it a sign?  What is a sign? 

BIBLICAL/SPIRITUAL SIGNS: In religious traditions, signs are often viewed as extraordinary or unexpected moments—like a dream or a miracle—meant to point people toward faith, truth, or a moral choice 

 - source: BustedHalo.com

The thing is, that is the first time ever, we had seen a Barn Owl up here, let alone a magical white one!  We have seen Horned Owls, but that was the first Barn Owl, and for some reason, it felt special. So I did a deep dive, researching Barn Owls, signs, and more.  Barn Owls are so unique in that they have this signature heart shaped face that acts like a satellite dish, amplifying sounds directly into their ears, thus making them the best at hearing/listening.  Where they are mainly nocturnal, they occasionally appear during the day, but it's uncommon.  Typically the white Barn Owls are male, and their feathers allow them to have almost no sound while flying.

As far as signs…there are all kinds of good and bad meanings assigned to seeing Owls depending on the culture.  I looked a lot of them up, and some give you peace of mind, while others, not so much.  But with a sign, it needs to be something that you feel in the moment.  Especially when you’re not looking for them and they show up, you know when it's meant for you.  Its like having a conversation with someone where the person is saying one thing and you can tell their body language is saying something else.  We all feel so much more in a moment than we usually lead on to believe.  And in looking up scripture in the Bible, Owls often show up in grief, sorrow, or isolation.  With this Barn Owl being white, white is also a symbol of peace, new beginnings, and reconciliation. That moment to me, to us, felt magical, like we were being woken up to view this moment and take it in fully.  And that’s what we did. 

SYNCHRONICITY/MEANING OVER CAUSE: In a synchronicity, there is no logical, cause-and-effect reason for the events to happen together. Instead, they are linked purely by the meaning you derive from them. 

Now as a side note…I’ve been looking up definitions lately for almost everything.  Because you think you know what a word means, but it really depends on the context.  Especially in the Bible, there are so many words in there that you really need to look up to fully understand the scripture.  When I heard someone say the word “synchoronicty” I didn’t realize it was you “assigning” meaning to something.  

And really, we can assign any kind of meaning to anything we want then.  I mean technically that is exactly what we are doing.  And you’re right, or they are, since there really isn’t a “logical” reason for it.  But is there a bigger, deeper meaning/reason to these moments?  Now technically, you can just call me crazy, lol, like I’m making this up.  So maybe I am.  But it still happened in real time.  And depending on your “Faith” will depend on what type of meaning you assign to it.  Now “Faith” has multiple meanings as well!  

FAITH: Belief in someone’s ability / trust for a good outcome / loyalty to something or someone / Belief in God 

So, the first time we saw the Barn Owl was in daylight.  Then Jason proceeded to see him a few times at night.  Our neighbor mentioned to Jason about seeing the Barn Owl too, because that was the first time head seen one in the area.  Then comes the morning of Carson’s Celebration of Life.  We had a full house.  Everyone had been preparing and planning with us.  And that morning, at about 5:30 am, I woke up to a beautifully quiet house.  I opened the door to walk outside and witness the always epic sunrises we have here, and say Good Morning to God.  As I open the door and step outside, I am beautifully greeted by the white Barn Owl taking flight, circling around, then off into the sunrise.  And a sense of peace just came over me.  It was the perfect way to start that day. 

For over a month, I really hadn’t seen the Barn Owl again.  But I was never looking for him though, he would just always “show up.”  So one morning, while I’m taking my daily sunrise walk around our property, I noticed how nice the ground looked after the fresh rain from the day before.  It was so clean, everything was washed away.  It felt nice to have it cool down, from these hot summer days.  And as I walked under the tree where we had seen the white Barn Owl for the first time, I came across one amazing feather laying in my path.  I stopped dead in my tracks.  I looked up and around everywhere to see if I could lay eyes on the Barn Owl, but I saw nothing.  I leaned over to pick up the feather, and it was just such a surreal moment. As I looked at the perfectly white feather with about a 1/3 of light brown in it, I just stared at it in amazement.  I knew Carson had left for me. I went inside the house and placed it on our mantel next to his photo.  Then went outside to keep walking.  And the next time around, I saw a little tiny baby feather in about the same area.  So I placed it up on the mantel as well.  I couldn’t wait to tell everyone about this moment!  Tell me it's a sign without telling me it's a sign! 

So then, the following weekend, I headed away for a few days on business.  And when I came back, I went to look at the feather on the mantel… and there were two feathers!!!  I was like wait, what??  So I ask Jason, and he tells me, oh yeah, when I was out by my car, I found it.  This was a few days later.  So now, we were each given a feather.  On our paths where we would each find them.  No other feathers around the yard to be seen.  

So, this is where the signs, synchronicities, or something more comes into play.  Are these just random acts of nature?  Sure, probably.  Am I just assigning meaning to them?  Yeah, you could totally say that.  Or is it more.  All of these moments just happened.  They weren’t something I was searching for. But when they happened, I could feel it.  A sense of calm, and love in all them.  Sometimes words don’t need to be spoken to get a message.  And if God speaks to us, then what are the ways we hear him?  Well this is where Faith comes back in.  All of us will assign different meanings to these circumstances.  Because we all have different perspectives, which comes from our faith. And that’s where I dive deeper into spiritual alignment.   

SPIRITUAL ALIGNMENT/THE EXPERIENCE: You no longer just see isolated signs. Instead, your life feels like it is moving in perfect harmony with a higher will.

Through all of this, God has been with me. Was God with me before, yes.  But I’ve felt a different sense of peace.  Oneness.  Even though every day is hard.  I have moments when crying comes out of nowhere.  Or I start to focus on the fact that Carson took his own life, and I wasn’t able to help him.  The guilt creeps in.  And the thing is, I want to feel it.  I want to understand all of my emotions.  The hard moments, and the joyous ones.  It's said that the biggest breakthroughs come when you walk through the darkness and the negativity.  So you fully understand the thing that is limiting you. I don't want to suppress my emotions or move past them.  I want to understand them.  Where they are coming from inside me.   Because it's not about “moving on or moving past” any of this, it's about “moving forward and through” it.  And in all these moments, these signs, synchronicities, or spiritual alignment, I have felt God and Carson in all of them. Speaking to me.  And I’m more aware.  Listening and speaking with God. 

My love for Carson will never diminish.  I would tell him I love him beyond infinity… and that will always be the case.  But this experience has broken me open.  And that has allowed me to not just fully let God in, but put God first, in ways I have never been close to understanding before.

I will tell you this.  Carson has always had the ability to teach well. He had this beautiful, understated, humble presence about himself, that he felt your energy and knew exactly where he needed to meet you, to inspire you in that moment.  He has always been able to help me see where I could accomplish more, where I have the ability to do anything.  To do more.  To do better.  And he’s still inspiring me today to do just that!